Depression and Ice - Cream recipe

      I apologize for the hiatus life hit me hard after the death of my grandfather. I thought I was done with everything when I posted the last blog but I wasn’t. I’ve definitely gone into a sort of depression phase where I did nothing, including clean my house. I ended up having to continue taking care of my grandmother and a couple of times my great grandmother. I realized I had fallen into a state of depression when I snapped at everything Ron did or said and when I walked into the bathroom one day and saw how messy I had let it get. I don’t know why the mess finally got to me but it did. It wasn’t the loss of my grandfather that affected me this deeply, it was everything that came with the territory. It was, to quote a common term, “The straw that broke the camel’s back.” 

     You know how it gets when stress builds and builds and finally something just breaks the dam even though that isn’t the thing that is what upset you. Well, I have been frustrated at not finding any work and Ron had been working for 12 hours a day 5-6 days a week. His project just kept going on and I felt it would never end but I didn’t want to complain because he had gone so long without any work and we really needed it. On top of that I started last spring going up to grandmama and papa’s once a week to do stuff for them and it progressively got more and more days leading up to his death. I was staying with them for 4-5 days a week at one point. They finally got nurses but after his death grandmama didn’t want them anymore and I ended up going back to helping care for her along with my aunt. I just kept chugging along taking care of everyone except myself, doing the dutiful thing not realizing that I’m letting myself go. I mean come on I never see my husband so what’s the problem with me taking care of my family, right?

     Our one year anniversary has come and gone and as I look back on my last year I notice that I have not spent much time with my husband. We have honestly not had a true first year of marriage because of all my obligations. Now don’t misunderstand me, I love my family and I love helping them out but when I got married my obligations changed and my priority should be my husband then my family. I learned this when we went to a marriage retreat this past February, I guess that is when everything hit me. I love my family but they think that just because I don’t have a job I don’t have anything to do which is not true. We are down to one car now and whenever we make any plans my grandmother always calls and asks for me to come down and take care of her to relieve my aunt. She doesn’t know when we make plans its not her fault but she needs 24 hour care due to the progression of her Parkinson’s and we simply can’t afford driving back and forth to her house. We recently moved so the drive to her house is longer than it used to be so going to her house isn’t an easy feat. Its hard to get down there due to the traffic because she lives off of one of the busiest highways and we moved to an area of Atlanta that requires us to go that way. 

     I’m sorry for venting but I’m constantly wondering what the hell happened? I feel like I’ve lost my way and I’m being forced to go in another direction that simply doesn’t feel right but I don’t have a choice because I’m being herded in that direction by my family. I feel like cattle, all my family has done this or that so they expect me to do this or that and quite frankly I don’t want to. I don’t want to be suzie home-maker taking care of everyone. I’ll be honest I’m selfish I want my own life; however, at the same time I love my family and I don’t want them to think I don’t care. 

You can imagine the guilt I feel when I get those selfish desires. Its quite the mind game that goes on in my head. First I think, “Oh no not again.” Then I think, “This is my family I may not get to spend much more time with them.” Then I think, “I can’t live my life for this though or else I’ll get nothing done.” Then I think, “Well, that’s just selfish and you’re being selfish like you’ve always been told you are.” Then I think, “Its ok to be a little selfish.” Then it goes back and forth like this till I drive myself crazy. I have grown up being told that I’m a selfish little girl and that its a bad thing which is one reason why I went to food. Food doesn’t care if you’re selfish. Food just makes you fell better because it fills your tummy and pleases your tastebuds and gives you almost a high after you eat. That is not how to look at food and that is something I’ve struggled with my entire life. For 28 years I have gone through this turmoil whenever I get a “selfish” need or desire. What I have learned since being with my husband is that food is more enjoyable when you don’t use it as a means to feel better. Drowning your sorrows in food is like drowning them in alcohol. It will kill you eventually if you continue down that path. I have so much fun learning new recipes and making up my own or modifying one we find. This depression I have been dealing with the last few months is nothing compared to what it was just a few years ago but it was an eye opener nonetheless. It helped me realize the exact relationship I have had with my food and made me realize that I still struggle with it and I hope that those of you who read this and have the same problem with work with it and not continue over eating to make yourself feel better. Seek help if your depression is severe enough. I am an avid believer in utilizes those resources. I do not think everyone needs to be on medication but I do think that having a therapist is a huge help and totally worth it if you can afford it.

     Personally, I have found that learning about food and nutrition helps me. Learning new recipes and playing around with them seriously helps me out of my funk because it challenges me. Its not easy but its fun and a nice way to get lost. With that in mind I do have a recipe for you to try out. It is summer time so what better way to enjoy the summer than have ice-cream! I’m lactose intolerant so I have had to play around and find different recipes for ice cream for me that doesn’t use milk. It ends up being more like a sherbert but its tasty nonetheless. Where I use lactaid (milk that is free of lactose) you can use heavy cream. Anyway, here is my strawberry ice-cream recipe.

Strawberry Ice-Cream:

1 1/2 pounds (700g) fresh strawberries, rinsed and hulled

1/2 cup (100g) sugar (or 1/2 cup, 125ml agave nectar)

2 tablespoons honey

1 1/2 cups (375ml) Lactaid or any lactose free milk

2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice

1. Slice the berries and toss them with the sugar (or agave) and honey, and let them macerate for one hour at room temperature.

2. Puree the berries and their liquid with the rice milk, lemon juice and liquor, if using, with a standard or immersion blender.

You can puree it until completely smooth and strain out some or all of the seeds by pressing the mixture through a mesh sieve. Or you can leave it slightly chunky and omit straining it.

3. Taste, and add more lemon juice, if desired.

4. Chill thoroughly, then freeze in your ice cream maker according to the manufacturer’s instructions.

To cut down on calories I use Splenda instead of sugar.

Lactaid is a lactose free milk which makes the ice-cream less creamy if you want creamy ice-cream and don’t need to worry about it then use heavy cream.