Christmas cheer?

I have actually been dreading this post for awhile but with the holidays coming up I don’t think I can avoid it anymore. I really do want to keep my readers’ updated on what’s going on. First off I’m sorry but I do not have a recipe today. I will hopefully have another recipe up and a video of it soon, I’d really like to do the sushi one. Life has simply been so crazy here that I haven’t been eating well because I’ve been on the go...let me start from the beginning.

My grandfather has been sick for a couple of years and finally left this world a few days after Thanksgiving. It has been difficult to say the least. (For any of you who are wondering I did make the pecan pie and the butterfinger dessert. The butterfinger dessert went over really well, it is now a new must have at the family functions.) Sunday night I got a phone call from my mother telling me that Papa was at the hospital and my dad was heading up there, when she told me this I knew what it meant. I immediately got up and started heading out. Ron went with me so I wouldn’t be alone and I actually got there before my dad. I walked up to the desk asked the guy there about my grandfather and he looked at me and I could tell in the tone of his voice as he was asking me who I was and then telling me he had to get my aunt what happened. I happened to be walking in the bathroom as she came out and when I walked back out she was leaving heading to my grandmother and my husband was the one who told me my grandfather had died. I already knew what happened but there is always that little sliver of hope that you could be wrong until someone finalizes it. After that I proceeded to make the proper phone calls because I knew my aunt was on the road and in no shape to make those phone calls. I can’t tell you how hard it was when my father got there to see him hold back the tears. It was so heart breaking. Once we got in touch with the funeral home and signed paperwork at the hospital we went back to my grandparent’s house and sat with her all night. I think in a span of 72 hours that week I got maybe 4 not all in succession. Ron had to go to work that morning so he left the hospital once my dad got there and went home. Monday we made the funeral arrangements and my cousin drove me home so I could make the memorial video. I can’t lie that is one of the toughest things to do simply because of all the emotions behind the situation. Tuesday was the viewing and Wednesday was the funeral. Ron and my brother were pallbearers, they both were so handsome; Ron in his suit and bro in his uniform. 

After the funeral I stayed with my grandmother I don’t even know how many days anymore I just know over a two week span we were all back and forth dealing with legal things and the hospice stuff left over. Needless to say healthy eating was not on my mind. I didn’t go out and gorge myself on food because I was depressed. Under severe stress and depression I used to turn to food and sometimes alcohol, not to the point of alcoholism but I would drink more than I normally do. I didn’t count calories or pay attention to how I cooked because I was doing it for someone else besides me and Ron; however, I didn’t let myself over eat. Listen to me we all go through these tough times and sometimes there are simply more important things in life then paying attention to every detail when it comes to my food. I just did my best and ate until I felt I was full and didn’t go crazy with the drinks that were here like sodas. Its hard but I didn’t gain any weight. I’m doing my best to exercise but its been emotionally draining this month and I simply haven’t felt like it but its ok. I’m human and if you have been through this or are going through it so are you do not beat yourself up if you go off the bandwagon. 

Two weeks after this incident my best friend’s grandmother died. That was terrible, I was asked to do that memorial video as well. It was rough because I grew up with her and it was like another grandparent died so soon after my grandpa died. Then just a little after that the tragedy in Connecticut. Now its just 4 days till Christmas and two more friends’s grandmothers’ are in the hospital. My heart literally hurts so bad right now for everyone. I’m still not completely over my grandpa and I’m just so emotional and it hurts to see other people in pain. This has just been one of the toughest months I’ve had in a long time. The last time I lost someone was my freshman year in high school and that was my great grandfather. He was one of the best men in the world. I have truly been blessed I have lived 27 years and only lost one person in my immediate family. This is really tough. Plans for Christmas have always been like this; we go to grandmama and papa’s house Christmas day and spend all day there eating, opening presents, and generally spending time with each other, then go home and be fat and play with our gifts. The older I get the more I realize how hard this is for us. We used to go up there and meet at least once a month but since they started getting sick it just got really hard going between doctors and then our own personal time. I love my family with all my heart and the one thing that my grandfather taught me was that family is so important. I learned what unconditional love meant from my grandmother and grandfather. He was not perfect by any means and I prefer not to go into detail but he did teach me what true love is and I am so thankful for that.

I’m sorry for this being such a sad post but I really needed to get it off my chest and I thank you for letting me put myself out there. I do hope everyone’s Christmas is wonderful I know ours will be a little empty but we will enjoy every minute of it because of who we are with. And please don’t forget my tips from Thanksgiving during this time the holidays are always about food just be conscious and enjoy the time you have with your family and friends!

-Ashley