His Time

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It has been a long time since I’ve sat down and written a poem and today I did. I had no other way of expressing my feelings so I sat down and wrote. My poem is about questioning God and how His time is so different from my time. I have not lost my faith but I am upset and like any child who gets upset with their parent I needed to vent and my outlet was through poetry. The poem goes through my emotions of finding out my news, then questioning why is nothing being done about all of the awful things and blaming Him claiming that He doesn’t care about anything including me and then remembering what He has sacrificed for me but still simply trying to understand.

Today I found out that I have PCOS which means it will take Ron and I an even longer time to get pregnant so you can see why I question His timing. I am still not ready to go into detail about all the medical stuff because there is so much we still have to do but I really feel led to put this poem out there, I do hope you enjoy it:





His time.
It’s always on His time.
Sometimes I wish I knew what His time was,
or at least have my time coincide with His time.

What does His time even mean?
Isn’t it a little selfish of Him to only do it in His time?
I’m sorry if it upsets you that I think this way,
but there are things in this world that I just don’t understand.

People in this world who need His time
yet it seems as if He isn’t giving anything
not even a little bit of His time.

God I know you love me
and I know you care
but why can’t I see you
in these times?

These times of racial injustice
These times of gender questioning
These times of sexual desires
These times of people inequality

You preach love and compassion
yet I see none coming from you
You preach love and compassion
yet those who claim to know you don’t give a damn about me

Those who claim to know you don’t give a damn about you
Those who claim to know you don’t even take the time
to look at their neighbor and extend a helping hand

You ask us to wait on your time
but how can we when we see these awful things in this world?
How can I stand by?
How can I?

I ask you for love
and you give nothing
I asked you for life
and you give nothing

No
You gave me life
you showed me love
you gave me mercy
and you showed me grace

But how can I wait?
How can I be patient?
I know its all in Your time
but why can’t Your time be my time?

I’m trying so hard to understand
I’m trying so hard to understand
I’m trying so hard.

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