Spring is for new beginnings

I miss writing in my blog and I realize It's been a year. I told ya'll I wasn't good at keeping up with all of this stuff regularly but that's ok that's just who I am. I've been told by several of my readers that they appreciate me putting myself out there and sharing my journey and to those of you who read this thank you. Thank you for telling me your stories and letting me know that I am not alone. The whole point of this is to show that we all have similar struggles. I applaud every one of you who struggle with things but keep going. Its hard to keep going when you're facing currently the worst thing you think you'll ever face; I'm here to tell you that if you keep going it will get easier to deal with. Life has seriously turned around from what it was just two years ago for me and while I still struggle and will always struggle with depression I'm in a very good and happy place.

I love the work I do with GirlStreamers and we have so much happening over there and I'm so excited for our future projects. Currently I'm in charge of video production that doesn't include the stream team. So my job is essentially producing our own videos whether that be a streamer of the month video or a news video. I've created videos that are awesome and some that just didn't quite hit the mark but that's part of the job, we all have flops sometimes you just learn from that flop and move on. I am still doing film stuff including having a second screening of my short film The Blind Date! Currently I'm working on my second script and let's just say script writing is not my forte but its cathartic in away as well. I believe I'm going to enlist the help of Ron because he's most definitely the writer out of the two of us. I also have some ideas for documentaries I'd like to create and so much more so no I have not given up on filmmaking, streaming and GirlStreamers is just in addition to that because it's media. It's new media and I really love the format. I love that I've made so many good friends through streaming.

My goal for the rest of this year is to keep at least a monthly update here and do a better job at writing because the more I write the better I get at it therefore my scripts will be better right? That's my thinking at least so yeah. Some posts will have recipes some won't, this one will not because I have no photos of anything but Ron and I have now moved from South Beach to Keto diet so the recipes will be more Ketogenic based. We've found in our research that Keto is actually better than South Beach for Diabetics. Ron started Keto while I stuck with South Beach (and then gave up) in November of last year. Since November he has lost 40 lbs and his a1c went from 9.9 to 6.1, that's amazing and huge! Also, his blood sugar has not gone about 140 since being on this diet and he no longer has any foot ulcers. So I started Keto this week because my weight loss has plateaued and it's plateaued at a 30 lb weight gain. After being put on Lexapro I gained 30 lbs in 2017 come to find out some anti-depressants make you gain weight so to counter that I have to step up my food and workout game. I have severely slacked off in the last 6 months, real talk, I kinda gave up when I kept gaining and couldn't lose. I now know why I gained and now know what I have to do to alter that therefore I'm back on the bandwagon of lifestyle change! Another thing of forcing myself to write the blog at least once a month is it'll keep me accountable because no one likes admitting when they fail, one of the big reasons I didn't write much last year. 2017 was definitely a year of growth and change for me and so far 2018 has just been the result of that change and proven that I can't just stay the same.

Speaking of change there has been a huge change in our baby making decision. We went to a fertility clinic and good news! We found out that my egg count is really good for my age and that I can have children, test results and stuff came back looking very good aside from the fact I'm anemic so I have to take iron supplements and eat more foods with iron in them. This is not surprising because my mom said she had to take them when she was pregnant with me because I made her anemic and my whole life I've kinda struggled with it during my time of the month. Ron was even tested and we found out that his sperm are just a little slow and a little large so basically a result of the diabetes but its not impossible for us to get pregnant. A lot of our issue is definitely being overweight which I knew was a factor already but the fact that we can have children is a very nice discovery; however, we've decided not to pursue it so we are not going to do fertility treatment or anything. On Mother's day this year I broke down and told Ron I am at the point that I no longer want kids and he asked me why I was crying. I feel bad for not wanting children but I genuinely enjoy my life with the dogs and Ron. I enjoy traveling with him and being just the two of us plus I really love my work with everything I do and if I have a child that would complicate everything I do and make it difficult for me to do what I want to do. I know that is so selfish to say but I don't want to bring a kid into the world when I'm not ready to give up anything else. There are sacrifices you have to make when you have children and I don't want to make those sacrifices yet. My mom, of all people, looked at me and said “That's the best thing to do. You have to do what makes you happy.” I was so blown away because she has always put that pressure on us for grandkids, unintentionally but it was still there, and having her tell me it's ok made me feel so much better. Besides I really enjoy being an aunt and I really want to dote on my nephew because that little sucker is so freaking adorable. He's coming into town at the end of June and I can't wait to see him I think I'm going to take him to the Zoo! Anyway, that's the latest update here and I do plan on giving you guys a yummy Keto recipe for my next post.

Please leave a comment below and let me know what you'd like to see for a recipe!